How my life turned into a horror movie

Dave Bourke · Post by **Dave Bourke** » Mon Nov 28, 2011 9:03 am

MOTUnation regulars may recall that I used to frequent these hallowed boards until two and half years ago. Since then, I've been missing in action. Why?

In May, 2009 my mother died in the hospice ward of a Dublin hospital. To see the horrific effect on my life of choosing this hospice (a choice that was forced upon my family by the general hospital to which she was first admitted), please take a look at my website (but not while you're eating):

http://www.delusionalinsects.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

You can leave a comment (serious please) on the "Updates" page or email me via the "Get in Touch" page. And if you know someone who might be able to help, please pass along the URL.

Thank you so much for your time and attention. I really miss coming here. I miss making music so much it's like the better part of me is missing.

Kind regards to you all.

buzzsmith · Post by **buzzsmith** » Mon Nov 28, 2011 1:07 pm

Sorry to hear of your challenges.

Please come back as often and as soon as you're able.

Buzzy

Dave Bourke · Post by **Dave Bourke** » Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:05 pm

Many thanks for your thoughtful response, Buzzy. Challenges they certainly are, and at this stage I'm no longer sure I can win. If I can, I'll be back.

Kind regards.

adriano · Post by **adriano** » Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:20 pm

Hello, Mr. Bourke.

Honestly, I cannot say "I know what you are going through."

What I can say is that nobody should go through anything like that. These are some serious challenges you are dealing with, day in and day out.

Don't give up. You may have "it" but, "it" doesn't have you. Stay strong, my fellow muso, you are in our prayers.

Adriano

twistedtom · Post by **twistedtom** » Mon Nov 28, 2011 11:40 pm

I am sorry for your pain. You have been missing and you did add to the forum in good ways so come back when your up to it.

wylie1 · Post by **wylie1** » Tue Nov 29, 2011 12:51 pm

That is really freaky.
I worry about bed bugs because I travel allot.
And now their talking about tics in my area and I Life close to trees and fields.
I've heard about people with skin disorders and that soaking in a sulfur hot spring does wonders.

Dave Bourke · Post by **Dave Bourke** » Tue Nov 29, 2011 3:17 pm

Thank you very much for your responses, guys.

@Adriano: Many thanks for your encouragement and your prayers. All I can do is try to take it one day at a time, hoping all the time that someone with some expertise and an open mind will stumble upon my website.

Take care.

@twistedtom: Thank you for your kindness. If I can beat this, I'll be back, although my knowledge is now two and half years out of date. So I'll be depending on you buys to bring me back up to speed.

@wylie1: I wouldn't worry about bed bugs too much - they're easy enough to deal with using food-grade diatomaceous earth. Ticks are another thing - the one to beware of is the deer tick. They can transmit Lyme Disease to humans, which is no laughing matter.

I've been using 10% flowers of sulphur soap for almost two years now. It doesn't work for this.

Thanks again for your kindness and thoughts, guys. It's really appreciated to have you folks rooting for me.

Kind regards.

jlaudon · Post by **jlaudon** » Tue Nov 29, 2011 5:23 pm

I'm so sorry to hear of this horror you've (and your family) been going through. I really hope the right doctor/s will be found to help out. I can't begin to understand the pain of isolation and the daily & nightly battle that you have to face.

A few years ago, I developed a full body severe itching rash (they never did figure out what it was), and the only relief I found was to use pinetarsol (both concentrated, wiping it over my body with cotton balls, and mixed in bathwater). Then I went back to Canada, and over the course of 2 weeks the rash finally cleared up (after a couple months of it in HK).

Shooshie · Post by **Shooshie** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 2:55 am

Whew! That was difficult story to read, but I read it all out of respect for you, Dave. Also, I figured there were important lessons in there, and I think that is correct. What a horrible experience you've been through. (multiple experiences) Now I'm afraid to get a magnifying glass or microscope after my own skin! What enraged me, though was the callous, cavalier attitudes of the self-important doctors who could have done some original research there and discovered something. But doctors tend not to do that. I know all about doctors.

For over 25 years, I've had to deal with headaches that can disrupt my work and everything else. I've been to many doctors, only to find that most of them consider headaches to be psychosomatic disorders, not "real" in any way. For years I would spend hours in the bed writhing and screaming in pain. I tried all the over-the-counter pain medicines and nothing worked. I had smoked pot in college, and never seemed to have any kind of pain, but I had a family at this point, and I didn't want to expose them to the harsh state laws that could have punished the whole family if I had done something like that. So, I went the legit medical route. It took over 15 years, but I finally found a doctor who is sympathetic to headaches and who has helped. Incidentally, the WORST doctor I've ever encountered was the one who all the other doctors unanimously agreed was the best headache doctor in the state, if not the world. He turned out to be a self-promoting huckster with absolutely nothing to do for headaches. Nothing. But he has the world fooled. He sells books, does seminars at which he teaches other doctors to do nothing for headaches. So don't believe in doctors. They have no authority. You're the customer. They either work for you, or you find another doctor. I have told more than one "sorry, you're the wrong doctor for this. You know nothing about this, and it shows." Then I turned on my heel and walked out. One of them begged me to come back. I did for a while, but he became difficult again after about a year, and I left him for good.

I have nothing directly to offer you, Dave, except sympathy and empathy. But I can tell you that doctors are by lot a very pack-oriented bunch who do almost no original thinking. The nature of seeing so many people -- many of whom DO have delusions -- almost requires them to stick to the book. It is HARD TO FIND a "real" doctor who takes your condition seriously and tries to find the solution. But I did, and now I've been managing my headaches for the past 8 years, and it sometimes feels like I don't get them at all. But as soon as I quit the treatment, they return, so I know that no pain means "it's working; stay the course." (and no, I'm not merely describing a rebound effect. After 25 years of this, I know quite a bit about it.)

So, I do suggest you keep up the search for a good entomologist, or one who studies fungi (have you ruled out Candidas?), and keep looking for the one doctor who WILL help you. You've got to get back in society, man. Isolation is the path to the grave. Get yourself in the population again.

By the way, and I'm serious, have you tried things like sheep dip? I'd even be tempted to swab with gasoline or something equally dangerous if I knew it would stop such an infestation. Seeing what it does to larger insects makes me wonder if something like that would be the answer. Don't do it near flame! What about an hour each day in a sweat lodge, followed by showers with medicated soap? Some insects can't take the heat. A couple of months of that might actually help.

Best wishes, sincerely,

Shooshie

wylie1 · Post by **wylie1** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:44 am

Wow Shooshie: I hope you don't come my rescue if I'm sick and start trying to cure me with gasoline.

Shooshie · Post by **Shooshie** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 8:01 am

wylie1 wrote:Wow Shooshie: I hope you don't come my rescue if I'm sick and start trying to cure me with gasoline.

Well, that was a whimsical suggestion at best, but if you have insects that resist all else, a careful swabbing with gas (little bit at a time) might actually be practical. I've known people who had gas all over them most of the day, and managed to live with it. I don't think they got many bugs. So, take it for what it was; a last-resort bit of whimsy, but don't knock it as impossible.

Shooshie

MIDI Life Crisis · Post by **MIDI Life Crisis** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:37 am

Maybe instead of petro based gas, simple alcohol (or something like vodka?) could do the trick. It would seem that once the life cycle is broken you'd have it licked. Of course you'd have to make sure the little buggers are also out of the rest of your environment as well.

As for doctors, while I'm not a big fan of Western meds, it seems unfair to bulk them all into a group like that. I do see your point there, Shooh, and agree to some degree. But most of the doctors I know are way more independent than you seem to believe. The problem is not the doctor, but more often the insurance company who will not pay for the expensive diagnostics and treatments. Doctors know this and find their hands tied.

One final comment about your post: you can always move to CA where med pot is legal. Hey, you've got friends here and the pancakes taste so much better after a treatment...

Shooshie · Post by **Shooshie** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:12 am

MIDI Life Crisis wrote:Maybe instead of petro based gas, simple alcohol (or something like vodka?) could do the trick. It would seem that once the life cycle is broken you'd have it licked. Of course you'd have to make sure the little buggers are also out of the rest of your environment as well.

As for doctors, while I'm not a big fan of Western meds, it seems unfair to bulk them all into a group like that. I do see your point there, Shooh, and agree to some degree. But most of the doctors I know are way more independent than you seem to believe. The problem is not the doctor, but more often the insurance company who will not pay for the expensive diagnostics and treatments. Doctors know this and find their hands tied.

One final comment about your post: you can always move to CA where med pot is legal. Hey, you've got friends here and the pancakes taste so much better after a treatment...

Well, when your wife complains about the long-haired pothead on her couch, remember that YOU invited me!

The problem where I live is actually the doctors. 90% of them graduated from Parkland (Southwestern Medical School) in Dallas, and one neurologist explained to me one time the "Parkland school of pain: we believe that you should feel your pain. The body cannot heal itself if it doesn't know it's sick."

While that sounds like good ol' homespun wisdom, it's about as far from the truth as can be possible, and there are many people in this area who suffer from all kinds of chronic pain, who cannot get treatment because they do not know that they are dealing with a crackpot medical school philosophy, probably set by some old doc 50 years ago, with a big picture of him above the hospital lobby or something. They don't dare go against convention.

Yes, you can find "evidence" that it's true. For some things, it may actually BE true. But you can find even more evidence that the Parkland School of Pain is ridiculous. Chronic pain sufferers begin to lose ground after a few years of it, and by a decade's worth they have suffered a diminished immune system, brain chemistry imbalance, depression, sense of isolation, and much, much more. For many, it means they cannot work, so they also suffer poverty. That's the Parkland School of Pain, and if any Parkland doctors read this, they can stuff it up their asses. It's the stupidest thing in medicine, next to magnetic shoe inserts, and the fact that an entire generation of medical school grads from one of the largest medical schools in the country all believe it does NOT make it true. Ask the many patients who've been ruined by this.

I learned to walk to the doctor's office, look at his diplomas, and if I saw Parkland on there, I turned around and walked out. If they asked why, I said "Parkland School of Pain. We're not compatible." There was a time when I thought I was on my way to the pits I described above. I'm happy to say that today I live a pretty normal life. I've always been able to do music at the computer, pretty much, though my employers sometimes had to deal with entire afternoons with me in bed, until I got some genuine help.

I'm sorry… I do NOT mean to refocus this thread on me. I'm just saying that yes, sometimes it really IS the doctors. That's a regional thing, and if your regional medical school believes in old wives tales and doctor myths, then you're stuck with that attitude until you move or find someone who has moved in. Those who move in don't stay long, as they find that they are incompatible with the local medical establishment. Now, Dallas has a broad range of doctors. It's still hard to find a good one, because 90% of them are still from Parkland, but that 10% is a good group.

So, I entreat Dave Bourke to go further afield until you find a doctor who believes he can help you. Any doc who gives you a psych diagnosis should be reported to the medical board. They are not doing their job. Keep looking, buddy. You'll find help.

Shooshie

MIDI Life Crisis · Post by **MIDI Life Crisis** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:59 am

And the vodka? No? LOL!

kgdrum · Post by **kgdrum** » Wed Nov 30, 2011 11:25 am

Hi David,
I am very sorry to hear about the hard times you have been experiencing.It is very inspirational to see how you are trying to get better,stay proactive.
Best,
KG

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