Jokes! And funny stuff...

studiodog · Post by **studiodog** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 1:42 am

We need this, at least I do. I've become immune to Jack & crack....

What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?

My answer is below...

`

`

`

`

HIS AMP !!!

methezer · Post by **methezer** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 6:04 am

How to you get a guitarist to stop playing...

Put sheet music in front of him!

I know, two guitar player jokes in a row, but its ok because thats my main instrument.

mhayesmusic · Post by **mhayesmusic** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:19 pm

Whats the difference between a Viola & a Cello.................

The Cello burns longer!!!

qo · Post by qo » Thu Dec 08, 2005 2:56 pm

Q. How do you get guitar players to change their strings.?
A. You buy them a new guitar.

Q. How many guitar players does it take to change a lighbulb?
A. You buy them a new lightbulb

Q. How many slide guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Not applicable. They don't fret about such things.

Q. How many jazz guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One to get his main squeeze to change the bulb, and two to make snide comments about how unoriginal that was.

chrispick · Post by **chrispick** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:15 pm

One of my favorites:

Q: How many guitars players does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to stand at the back of the room and say, "Man, I could do that."

Spikey Horse · Post by **Spikey Horse** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:29 pm

How many guitar players does it take to cover Stairway to Heaven?

Evidently all of them.

-o0o-

A couple who's relationship was on the rocks went to a marriage counselor who could not get them to discuss anything.

The communication block was so heavy that nothing he suggested could make them open up and talk.

Finally, after several sessions of non-communication, the counselor stands up, walks to the corner of the room and produces a bass guitar.

He brings it to the couple, plugs it into a small practice amp and begins to play fervently.

Gradually their barriers break down and they begin to discuss their problems and little things that always bothered them that they never felt encouraged to bring up before.

At the end of the session, they were smiling and laughing just like old times.

They paid their bill and before leaving, asked the counselor,
" What did you do? How did that song help make everything work out?"

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

-o0o-

A guy walks into a shop and with an expression of extreme concentration says to the man behind the counter, "I'm thinking of getting an Ibanez RG550 with airnorton pickups and medium-jumbo frets on a rosewood fingerboard with 623mm scales but I'm torn between that and the Ibanez Grx 40 ..... what do you think would sound the best going through a Marshall MG100RCD head into a MG412A cab?"

Looking exhausted but pleased with himself he waits for the answer....

"You're a drummer, right?" says the shop assistant.

"Yeah how did you know that?"

"well..." came the reply, " this is a fish and chip shop"

-o0o-

What happens if you play country music backwards?

Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.

studiodog · Post by **studiodog** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:33 pm

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

The pizza can actually feed a family of four.

YouTube · Post by **James Steele** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:29 pm

These are probably old but....

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

How do you know a drummer's knocking at your door?
The knock keeps getting faster and faster.

What do you call someone who hangs around musicians?
A drummer.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to do it, and ten to argue about how Neil Peart would have done it.

studiodog · Post by **studiodog** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:03 pm

What's the last thing a stripper does with her a** before going to work?

She drops him off at band rehearsal...

ramadev · Post by **ramadev** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 1:19 am

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored power tools.

kassonica · Post by **kassonica** » Mon Dec 12, 2005 2:12 pm

My all time fav

what do you get if you cross a drummer and roadie?

I guy that can count to 3

www.two.states.com

jlafferty · Post by **jlafferty** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:13 am

So, this drummer walks into a music store and as he is looking around, his gaze becomes fixed on something in the corner of the room.

One of the sales people comes over to him and says "Can I help you with anything?"

The drummer says, "yeah, how much for the Accordian"

The sales guy says "You're kidding right?"

The drummer says "No, why"

The sales guy says "That's a radiator you idiot"

ba dum boom -pssh...

a_real_mf · Post by **a_real_mf** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:22 am

okay...i'm in..............

Q) how many music producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A) i don't know .... what do you think?

happy whatever you celebrate!!

a_real_mf · Post by **a_real_mf** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:25 am

and again..

did you hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in his car?

it took him 2 hours to get his bass player out.

mf

a_real_mf · Post by **a_real_mf** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:48 am

and ...

there was a science study at a famous university to determine if dogs will pick up traits of their owners. they got 3 dogs...1 from an architect, 1 from a mathematician, and 1 from a guitar player.

they put a plate of bones, and a dish of water out and bring in the architects dog. the dog knocks over the plate of bones and re-arranges them in a perfect model of the golden gate bridge....the scientists are elated!!!!

next , they bring in the mathematicians dog...he nuzzles the bones around into an equation of the value of pi to 100 decimal places. the scientists
are astounded!!!!!!

finally they bring in the guitar players dog.....

it eats all the bones, drinks all the water, f**ks the other 2 dogs, and says "when do i get paid?"

that's it for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!