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Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 6:18 am
by emulatorloo
Man I am going back to DP3!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:52 am
by Shooshie
Don't worry, Loo. I tested it, and found that behavior to be perfectly normal. DP5 is both good in bed, and a great driver. Your spouse and car should be fine, and DP's automation is smooth, meaning both should come back very pleased. If the CPU hits a little in the red, just back off on the work priority preferences. If your car asks for 2nds, and your spouse complains about having her transmission greased, reverse the phase with the trim control.

See? It's just a matter of getting used to the new way.

;)

Shooshie

Re: Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 1:05 pm
by billf
emulatorloo wrote:DP5 had sex with my spouse
Impossible, DP5 doesn't have a dongle. :wink:

Re: Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 5:49 pm
by emulatorloo
billf wrote:
emulatorloo wrote:DP5 had sex with my spouse
Impossible, DP5 doesn't have a dongle. :wink:
It used MX4's!

But apparently the main source of stimulation was (the) manual.

---

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 5:54 pm
by emulatorloo
Shooshie wrote:If your car asks for 2nds, and your spouse complains about having her transmission greased, reverse the phase with the trim control.
I knew I could count on you to calm me down w some reasonable advice.

However, at your suggestion, I tried the "trim" plug in, and DP5 gave my dog a horrible haircut!

Then I tried to bounce a track and DP5 bounced it thru my neighbor's plate glass window!

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 8:44 pm
by Shooshie
Loo, pet grooming is a feature. Go to Consoles, open up a fader, click on the pop-up menu for "data types," and choose SysEx. That stands for Syssors, excetera. (hey, I can't help it if MOTU doesn't spell well) Plug in your dalmation via FireWire (FIREwire... dalmation.... get it?) and choose any hair length from 0 to 127. Be careful with that 0 setting. I mean, don't get too close or there will be no more Air on a G-String. (ouch, DP's pun library is really a little lacking, don't you think?)

Bouncing through a window is another matter. Of course, if the original also came through a window, that's just what you'd expect of the bounce, right? See? Everything is under control, Grommit.

Shooshie

Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 1:44 pm
by emulatorloo
Shooshie wrote:Plug in your dalmation via FireWire (FIREwire... dalmation.... get it?) and choose any hair length from 0 to 127.
HELP! I tried that and my dalmation looks now like a French Poodle.

Time to find my mac plus and get a copy of Performer 1. I am scouring ebay for a MOTU 7S at this moment.

Fortunately I looked in my closet and found an old keyboard that looks EXACTLY like DP5 Polysynth.

There is something way in the back of the closet that is glowing red and making a strange buzzing sound. Maybe it is a hardware version of Modulo? The dog won't stop barking at it.

Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 2:08 pm
by Shooshie
emulatorloo wrote:
Shooshie wrote:Plug in your dalmation via FireWire (FIREwire... dalmation.... get it?) and choose any hair length from 0 to 127.
HELP! I tried that and my dalmation looks now like a French Poodle.

Time to find my mac plus and get a copy of Performer 1. I am scouring ebay for a MOTU 7S at this moment.

Fortunately I looked in my closet and found an old keyboard that looks EXACTLY like DP5 Polysynth.

There is something way in the back of the closet that is glowing red and making a strange buzzing sound. Maybe it is a hardware version of Modulo? The dog won't stop barking at it.

Son, there are some things that DP just won't do. If your dalmation now looks like a French Poodle, it's time for you to get Waves. Get the 10 year WUP plan; you're gonna need it.

Oh, the thing in the closet? That's just DP's new beta dongle. Don't worry, it'll go away after a few tech support calls.


Shooshie

Posted: Fri May 05, 2006 12:10 am
by twistedtom
Billf that is funny. :lol:

Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:09 pm
by sdfalk
Is it hot in here or... :oops: :oops:

Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 7:22 pm
by emulatorloo
Shooshie wrote:. . . it's time for you to get Waves. Get the 10 year WUP plan; you're gonna need it.
Shooshie, is that 10 year WUP plan anything like this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_year_plan

that didn't work out so well . . .


---

Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 9:10 pm
by Shooshie
emulatorloo wrote:
Shooshie wrote:. . . it's time for you to get Waves. Get the 10 year WUP plan; you're gonna need it.
Shooshie, is that 10 year WUP plan anything like this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_year_plan

that didn't work out so well . . .


---
No, not at all. THOSE were five year plans, and they didn't work. No, this is a ten year plan, and since Waves is an Israeli company, the 10 year WUP is designed to bring economic stability to Israel. So far nobody's bought one, but as soon as someone does, you'll hear the champagne corks popping all over Israel. Remember, if you don't by WUP, the terrorists have already won.


Shooshie

Re: Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 4:44 pm
by billf
emulatorloo wrote:
billf wrote:
emulatorloo wrote:DP5 had sex with my spouse
Impossible, DP5 doesn't have a dongle.
It used MX4's!

But apparently the main source of stimulation was (the) manual.

---
Let's just hope the iLok didn't break, otherwise you're going to end up with a junior VI and a new Getting Started guide. :wink:

Re: Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 6:47 pm
by emulatorloo
billf wrote:Let's just hope the iLok didn't break, otherwise you're going to end up with a junior VI and a new Getting Started guide. :wink:
I checked w my spouse again, Bill -- It was dark, so it could have been logic pro who did the deed with its blue XSkey. Something about the VI's playing during the act sounded more "sophisticated" than DP.

But DP5 is surely to blame for the broken window, stolen car, and humiliated dog.

--

Re: Help! DP5 had sex with my spouse and stole my car!

Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:09 pm
by billf
emulatorloo wrote:
billf wrote:Let's just hope the iLok didn't break, otherwise you're going to end up with a junior VI and a new Getting Started guide. :wink:
I checked w my spouse again, Bill -- It was dark, so it could have been logic pro who did the deed with its blue XSkey. Something about the VI's playing during the act sounded more "sophisticated" than DP.

But DP5 is surely to blame for the broken window, stolen car, and humiliated dog.

--
That makes sense. DP5 is angry, and took that anger out on your window. Freudian theory would say that it's because of the missing dongle, and as such, DP has XSkey envy.

You just need to tell DP5 that it's appreciated and is really much better looking than that ugly Logic, and all will be well.