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#22 - Long and fiddly xlr cable runs are only ever around the wrong way if a client is watching. Especially if the said client is an attractive female.

So true about those cable runs! Speaking of XLR (and MIDI) connectors:

#23 When inserting an XLR, MIDI, or any other connector that requires a particular orientation, the orientation will be off by 1 degree. And, invariably, you will rotate the connector the wrong way such that, in order for things to line up correctly for insertion, you will have rotated the connector 359 degrees, instead of 1 degree had you chosen to rotate the other way.

For connectors, such as DB25, where there are only two possible orientations (one right, the other wrong), the wrong orientation will be chosen first.

#24 A musicians ego is inversely related to their talent.

#25 Attractive female singers don't sound nearly as good if you can't see them.
#26 Unattractive female singers leave stinky perfume on your headphones that won't wash off.
#27 The worse the drummer, the more the click track will rush and drag, to the point where it might actually be malfunctioning.
#28 After buying 6 assorted mid-range condensor mics, searching for that perfect sound, you will discover that you should have used your C-414 for everything and spent all that money on something useful, like a hot tub.

(21 -alternative version- No matter how many times you punch a vocalist, they always say "Can I hear that back", as if you wouldn't let them.)


29 - The clients who are the most open minded with a natural readyness to experiment with 'out there' recording techniques or indeed any recording techniques which may give them a better sound are often the ones just coming in to record some old songs they wrote 20 years ago, with semi acoustic guitar and vocals, not intended for release or even to get work as they have a proper job and music is just a hobby anyway.

30 - Pretending to be not recording DOES actually work for getting a nervous/tired singer to deliver a stunning, natural, spirited vocal take .... but there's always some reason you can't use it - singer is holding onto mic stand, rustling lyric sheets, moving about too much.... "oh, but I thought it was just a practice run through..."

30- upon introducing any cable to an environment, it will become entangled. The crosspoints of the entanglement will multiply in an exponential relationship to the diffficulty of reaching the entangled location. when the number of cables approaches infinfity and the locations of the cables are all behind racks the actual number of entanglements will be (inifinity/n)*d where n is number of cables, and d is the idea for a song that requires you to plug something in somewhere else.

31) The client will always say " I don't need to purchase much time, I can do this in one take"

32) No matter how slight the change the client will want you to re-edit, re-mix, convert the sample rate, convert to a stereo file and burn them a new CD of all the songs then complain about where all their time has been used.

Al

33) When a vocalist messes up a take, they almost always say "Sorry, my fault."

Well DUH, of course it's their fault, I didn't press the mess up button did I?

22. the amount of times you would like to "punch" that vocalist for asking the same dumbass question.

A little late to the party but this one's timeless anyway:

34. The drummer's tag-along buddy wolfs down your share of the pizza then reaches for your guitar.

#35 The drummer that wants to go back and put a triangle on the tracks at $60 an hour.

#36 No matter how long you've held onto a project, the call for edits will invariably come in minutes after you've archived it and removed it from your hard drive.

Phil

melonhead wrote:#35 The drummer that wants to go back and put a triangle on the tracks at $60 an hour.

God Bless the Drummer... I've got kids in college!

#37 Spending 2 hours recording vocals and 4 hours correcting the pitch instead of a retake. haha

mvh : )

#38 The computer that you use for audio is also the one that makes the most noise.