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A super talented multi-instrumentalist walks into a music contractors office looking for a job.

Musician: I'm looking for work. I can play strings.

Contractor: We have all the string players we need.

M: Well, I can play winds.

C: We have all the wind players we need.

M: I can play brass too.

C: Sorry. I have all the brass players I need.

M: Well, I'll be a son-of-a-bitch!

C: We do need drummers!

Hey--- there's a gift idea: A book of musician jokes!!

Example 1

Example 2

MIDI Life Crisis wrote:A super talented multi-instrumentalist walks into a music contractors office looking for a job.

Musician: I'm looking for work. I can play strings.

Contractor: We have all the string players we need.

M: Well, I can play winds.

C: We have all the wind players we need.

M: I can play brass too.

C: Sorry. I have all the brass players I need.

M: Well, I'll be a son-of-a-bitch!

C: We do need drummers!

Now, THAT was funny.... and YOU said it.

A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger, fries, and a large coke."
The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!"
The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

davedempsey wrote:A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger, fries, and a large coke."
The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!"
The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

Dempsey-- you have four weeks!!

So not to beat up on drummers (no pun intended...):

An anthropologist goes to an uncharted island to explore. He takes with him a friendly native who warns him about the sound of drums. "What's so important about the drums?", the anthropologist asks. "Oh, it's not the drums so much, but if they stop playing, it's bad. Really bad."

"What happens when the drums stop?", the anthropologist asks.

The native replies, "Bass solo."

Frodo wrote:

davedempsey wrote:A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger, fries, and a large coke."
The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!"
The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

Dempsey-- you have four weeks!!

That's not long - had better find a single female drummer then.

davedempsey wrote:
That's not long - had better find a single female drummer then.

Yay, Zildjian!!

Time is now stationary... I may well live forever.
"Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me, hit me..."

as long as none of us reads any of this thread to a drummer, we'll be OK, but be careful out there boys!

BKK-OZ wrote:as long as none of us reads any of this thread to a drummer, we'll be OK, but be careful out there boys!

Yeah, that's why I thought it good sportsmanship to include a keyboardist joke in the spirit of self-incrimination.

Drummers-- take no offense!!

Humorous quotes about music:

"I always make sure that the lid over the keyboard is open before I start to play." .... Artur Schnabel, Australian pianist, asked the secret of piano playing.

"An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger." .... Dan Rather

"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." .... Voltaire

"Ah Mozart! He was happily married -- but his wife wasn't." .... Victor Borge

Victor Borge, when asked the difference between a violin and a viola: " a viola burns longer".

davedempsey wrote:
Victor Borge, when asked the difference between a violin and a viola: " a viola burns longer".

Oh, don't get me started on viola jokes. I've heard so many cruel ones, and viola jokes are almost too easy.

Frodo wrote:

davedempsey wrote:
Victor Borge, when asked the difference between a violin and a viola: " a viola burns longer".

Oh, don't get me started on viola jokes. I've heard so many cruel ones, and viola jokes are almost too easy.

Q: How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?

A: Put it in a viola case.

Q: What is the range of a Viola?

A: As far as you can kick it.