Time changes everything: a personal story

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Shooshie
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Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by Shooshie »

Many years ago, when I was primarily a saxophonist and the Macintosh had yet to be invented, I was often called to play in orchestras, large and small. Sometimes I got to fly to another city or even another country to do that. But perhaps the most rewarding was when I would get to play in the Dallas Symphony, my adopted hometown, because the politics there were tremendous and with hundreds of area sax players (due to University of North Texas) the only reason I could have been called was because they really wanted me. I loved playing any kind of gig, but orchestral gigs were special to me, because it's such a rush to play in a 100 piece group with an audience of literally thousands of people. I put my heart and soul into even the most banal of orchestral music, practicing my excerpts so that I could play them in my sleep. I used to be proud of the fact that I never missed a note in an orchestral concert. Of course, I didn't have as many notes as, say, the 1st violins, so maybe it was an empty achievement, but every little bit helped, I thought.

One day in the spring of 1981, the contractor called me and told me to clear my calendar for a set of recording dates. Eduardo Mata, the acclaimed Mexican musical director of the DSO, would be recording some disks for RCA, under the Tel-Arc label. And there was more. These would be some of the early digital recordings of symphonic works. The CD wasn't even on the market yet, so they would be recorded and mastered digitally, then pressed to vinyl. DDA, they would say on the album. Later, it would be released as one of the first orchestral CDs, and I'm told it sold quite well. I used to get pretty nice royalty checks annually for over a decade, and I always re-upped my union dues and bought a new pair of shoes when that particular check would come. Dues and Shoes.

But something terrible happened during the recording. We were told to raise our hands if we missed a note, so that they could do another take, and boy, were there a lot of takes. In one part, there was a rising horn line with a clarinet obligato, and the horn kept missing the last note in the line, which consisted of simple quarter notes. I was actually feeling sorry for the clarinetist, because a lot of good takes got spoiled. Finally, the horn player got it perfectly, but the clarinetist blew his solo! The whole orchestra burst out laughing, because the tension had been so thick you could cut it with a knife.

But there was a bari sax solo deep into Gershwin's American in Paris, and for various reasons, we ended up doing that section about 5 times. On the 5th time, I cracked a note in the solo. It wasn't much of a crack, but I felt awful. I didn't raise my hand, because I thought it was so obvious, and it appeared to me that they'd just use a different take. When the LP came out, I listened with trepidation, and my worst fears were confirmed: the cracked note was on the LP! I felt like I had let down the entire orchestra. I had spoiled this amazing pioneering recording for a major label. Why hadn't they heard it and used a different take? Didn't matter. What was done was done. I was a failure. I hated myself. I knew people would say "they shoulda got a REAL bari sax player." (I played all the saxes; most accomplished on soprano, bari being a double that I loved.) Yadda, yadda.

I buried that LP in my collection, and when the CD came out, I didn't bother to buy it, even though I had more solos in other pieces. From time to time I would hear it playing on the radio and turn it off. But I would listen to other people playing it, and I never particularly liked the way THEY played it, either. Still, my mistake has haunted me for all these years, and now it's 35 years later.

Recently I heard a recording of American in Paris on the radio, and I listened to the whole thing. I was very impressed with the saxophones, and in particular, I loved the way the guy played the bari sax solo. It had character. He/she was obviously a master baritone sax player, and I wanted to find that recording. I did. See if you like it:

This is just an excerpt of the alto solo, followed by the bari solo. It's about 15 seconds long.
Gershwin: American in Paris; 2 Sax Solos

Well, let me tell you, I had to research that radio performance to find out who it was. It was me. After all these years, my biased memory of it had diminished to the point that I could no longer distinguish it from another recording, and I was hearing it with fresh ears. That recording was so old I never in a million years would have guessed it was on the radio. (And couldn't the DJ hear that it had a horrible cracked note in the bari sax that ruined the whole thing???) So, with no reason to believe that it was me, I heard it as if I were listening to someone else and loving what they did. I even asked myself, how did he get that little gruff-sounding note in there, which sounded so cool! I wanted to get out my bari and see if I could mimic that line.

Now I know why they chose that take, or at least why they didn't reject my little minuscule solo in it. It actually wasn't all that bad! It had character. I'd heard baritone saxes sound like that in cartoon soundtracks when I was a kid. Maybe they also were cracking a D across the break. Or maybe they did it on purpose. Who knows? But the passage of time revealed to me that all that heartache and anguish and self-loathing for a career spoiled by a single bad note on an RCA recording was for nothing. It was just fine the whole time!

Moral of story, and I think there is one: give it time and don't be so hard on yourself. Yeah, you gotta prepare, and sometimes things don't go as hoped for, but to the guy out there in the audience listening, your little mistake is trivial, and maybe — as in this case — it may actually sound BETTER than what you had planned. Many years into my playing career I had learned never to listen to recordings until about 6 months later. By then you've forgotten what you thought you did wrong, and you won't make a mountain out of a pebble. Doesn't matter whether you are performer, engineer, or producer, don't dwell on your mistakes. Nothing good comes of self-loathing. In fact, dwelling on mistakes is a terrible way to approach music by anyone. All concert artists make mistakes in their recordings sometime, especially live ones, but it doesn't seem to bother the audience. Why worry about a tiny note? As long as you play with character and musicianship, does it matter? If you think it does, give it time, and you'll see it was quite different from how you remember it. With time and a little luck, maybe you'll hear yourself as others do. I guess that could also work similarly with those who are self-inflated and think they rocked the casbah. Either way, time brings objectivity.

Shooshie

PS: Even after that recording session, I could still say that I never missed a note in an orchestral CONCERT, but even though I played many more "perfect" orchestral dates afterward, it felt disingenuous to say anything about it at all. Turns out, the biggest mistake I ever made was believing I had failed!
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MIDI Life Crisis
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by MIDI Life Crisis »

Love that story, Shoosh! I also love "mistakes." Yes, often they add "character" but also server to remind us that humans are prone to error and sometimes that's a beautiful thing. Isn't it the finest Japanese pottery that has "mistakes" built in? And all the great examples in other recordings, like Hendrix (yes, I know I missed a verse- Monterey Pops "Rolling Stone"). Bleed thru in Zeppelin: "way down inside.... way down inside.... woman, you need.... duh... duhhhhhh Looooooooooooooooooooove!

Live performance is not like written music (again, you knew that). IT's about the moment as well as the message, and sometimes the messenger drops a crumb here and there. Those are for the birds to pick up. You're flyin' now.... :)
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Shooshie
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by Shooshie »

MIDI Life Crisis wrote:Love that story, Shoosh! I also love "mistakes." Yes, often they add "character" but also server to remind us that humans are prone to error and sometimes that's a beautiful thing. Isn't it the finest Japanese pottery that has "mistakes" built in? And all the great examples in other recordings, like Hendrix (yes, I know I missed a verse- Monterey Pops "Rolling Stone"). Bleed thru in Zeppelin: "way down inside.... way down inside.... woman, you need.... duh... duhhhhhh Looooooooooooooooooooove!

Live performance is not like written music (again, you knew that). IT's about the moment as well as the message, and sometimes the messenger drops a crumb here and there. Those are for the birds to pick up. You're flyin' now.... :)

Wouldn't it be grand if the first "jazz" was just a mistake? And when someone pointed it out, I'd like to believe that the performer had the coolness of mind to say, "that's just jazz, baby." Of course, it was more an evolution of traditions, not a particular event, that led to jazz. But when you make a "mistake" in jazz, you work it! Turn it into the pearl in the oyster!

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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by MIDI Life Crisis »

Dance accompanists improvise for many hours and "back in the day" if we hit a clam, we turned it into chowder. I still do that with my silent film and other shows. Of course, in improv there are no mistakes, just poor choices. THe poorest choice being: letting an idea go past because it got your attention. Precisely why you want to cultivate it. I get to play lots of jazz at my midnight comedy show in Hollywood (almost every saturday nite including later this evening - when I'll also be singing... <ahem...> <meee meee meeeee...crack...>
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by mikehalloran »

In 2003, I saw Ray Charles playing a synth with the Elton John band and singing "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word". He flubbed a lyric—I no longer recall which—and used it as an excuse to improvise. It was better than whatever had been rehearsed—pretty sure about that.

It wasn't till much later when I got a copy of Elton's Duets album that I learned it was Ray Charles's final performance. This made it even more special, of course.
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by HCMarkus »

I can't remember how many times I have sweated over a mix resolving "major issues" that, upon listening a year later, were indistinguishable.

Great post, great reminder, Shooshie!
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by nk_e »

What a wonderful and uplifting story! Can I share this with my MA and MFA classmates over at ThinkSpace?

No worries if not.

Thanks.
George

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Shooshie
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by Shooshie »

nk_e wrote:What a wonderful and uplifting story! Can I share this with my MA and MFA classmates over at ThinkSpace?

No worries if not.

Thanks.
George

Of course!
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by nk_e »

Done! Thanks so much. That story really touched me...

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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by frankf »

Great story, Shooshie, and how true your thoughts are years later. I wrote a piano improvisation jazz piece called "Mistakes" in the mid 1970s and was asked to perform it live on NJ public television. Sure enough, there were several mistakes in "Mistakes". I was interviewed afterward and tried to explain how mistakes can be valuable sources for improvisation and even written material. I confused the host with this, and it was probably my fault for playing a piece called "Mistakes" on live TV in the first place :).


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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by MIDI Life Crisis »

frankf wrote:Great story, Shooshie, and how true your thoughts are years later. I wrote a piano improvisation jazz piece called "Mistakes" in the mid 1970s and was asked to perform it live on NJ public television. Sure enough, there were several mistakes in "Mistakes". I was interviewed afterward and tried to explain how mistakes can be valuable sources for improvisation and even written material. I confused the host with this, and it was probably my fault for playing a piece called "Mistakes" on live TV in the first place :).


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:rofl: Love that!
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Re: Time changes everything: a personal story

Post by Shooshie »

frankf wrote:Great story, Shooshie, and how true your thoughts are years later. I wrote a piano improvisation jazz piece called "Mistakes" in the mid 1970s and was asked to perform it live on NJ public television. Sure enough, there were several mistakes in "Mistakes". I was interviewed afterward and tried to explain how mistakes can be valuable sources for improvisation and even written material. I confused the host with this, and it was probably my fault for playing a piece called "Mistakes" on live TV in the first place :).


Frank Ferrucci
That's freakin funny, Frank!
:lol:

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