The Longest, Most Inconsistently-Off-Topic Thread in History

[Phil O]

Huh? I missed the party? Oh well. Happy birthday mate.

Philippe

[billf]

My mamma said I have a face that could melt cheese...

... I topped up the chip bowls.

Cheese and chips eh? I thought monkeys only ate bananas?

Nevertheless, I hope you had a great birthday!

[monkey man]

I'm vegetittirin, Bill; your assumption was correct. I'm just a good host.

For instance, and this is "serious", I spent $80 on snacks for my lil' brother and his friend's visit on Saturday night. It's the first time I've invited anyone over to celebrate my birthday in 27 years (not since 21st!). I still spent the day (Friday, 9/11) alone as I've come to the conclusion that solitude and calm are good ways to start the next yearly cycle (thank you, 9/11).

Now that that piffle is out of the way, thank you, Billy-boy, for not being a bully-boy, and for the kind thought; I do appreciate it, mate.

[billf]

I've come to the conclusion that solitude and calm are good ways to start the next yearly cycle

I agree Nicky.

[monkey man]

I'm glad you do, mate.

I ended up spending a bunch of energy trying to explain this to my gen-y brother. I employed the examples of marathons, the first day at school or work, and enlightened him as to the metabolic (cellular) cycles of the body.

It wouldn't surprise me if the concept of the new year's resolution had its origins in this line of thinking. I mean, I figured that spring cleaning must've come about because the body kicks into a detox phase at this time of the year. So very many times I've found myself engaging in one of the more rare cleaning tasks we do around the home, and practically the moment I've wondered what led to the activity, the cause was obvious - it marked an eliminatory phase that I'd brought about by way of a combination of measures, whether the omission of certain (rare in my case) toxic dietary influences, the stimulation of eliminatory process or a combitittification of both. I figured this out 30 years ago, and the principle has remained sound in my eyes, proving itself to be valid time and again.

It brings to mind that well-known, possibly-ancient health / spiritual saying, "As above, so below, as within, so without".

Deep enough for ya? Cripes. Talk about a fish out of water. Such is my world, brother.

Huh? I missed the party? Oh well. Happy birthday mate.

Philippe

Thank you, Phil!

You missed nothing, mate. I remained in hibernation this time 'round, and only just mentioned it.

You're a star.

[Tritonemusic]

Happy B-Day, Monkey. I prefer my birthdays quiet, too.

[bayswater]

Happy B-Day, Monkey. I prefer my birthdays quiet, too.

Same here. But as it was explained to me, birthdays (and funerals) and not for the person of interest -- they are for everyone else.

[monkey man]

So true, Stoivo (as if there are degrees of truth LOL).

Rads, thank you for your "blessing", mate.

[monkey man]

MLI Product Update Q1 2016

3rd World March By Series™
3rd World March By - Movement Three - Holus Bolus
3rd World March By - Movement Four - The Bowel Movement
3rd World March By - Movement Five - Himalayan Hemorrhoids Collection

Sample Packs
MonkeyLabs 8bit Looped Cricket Collection™

Monkey Books
MonkeyNuts Public Presentation Manual™
MonkeyBlame Suite™ - Solutions for a Cyclical World

MonkeyLabs Addictions Pak™
1 Addiction for 1 year is now a crazy $995
2 Addictions for 1 year is reduced to $1989.90, a real-world saving of a whopping 10 cents
3 Addictions saves a further 10 cents, and so on

MonkeyLabs Expressions Pak™
$995 for 1 expression's once-a-day usage for 6 months
$1989.95 for 2 expressions' once-a-day usage for 6 months, a saving of 5¢
$994.90 extra for every expression added

MonkeyLabs KleanUp Expressions Pak™
Vacuosity™ - A measure of the negative pressure within one's brain
Vacuoso™ - A descriptive term reserved for vacvets™ such as myself
Vacvet™ - See above
Vacuvermin™ - Unwanted (usually alive) sundry vacuees™, an inevitable by-product of time and money constraints, unfortunately
Vacuees™ - See above
Vacuous Vacuousing Vacvet™ or VVV - That'd be me

The KleanUp Expressions Pak™ allows unlimited use of all MonkeyKleanup™ terms during post-flinging restoration and cleaning operations for a period not exceeding 6 months*
*Duration of contract subject to daily review

MonkeyLabs Komplete Kollektion™
All Paks in one, with the following bonus inclusions:

Monkey Sessions™ DVD set for MachFive™
Monkey Sessions™ DVD set for MachFive™ comprising selected volumes from the 3rd World March By series
Monkey Sessions™ Sounds of Nature - The PooInducement Collection™

MonkeyLabs™ Devices & Poo-ducts
MonkeyLabs 8bit BS Detector™
MonkeyLabs ReKelvinator™ Supercooling Fridge™
MonkeyLabs Poosonality Reconstructor/Poondefecator™
MonkeyLabs MeatPress™ Mk II - Compact & Store Offline
MonkeyLabs Legislation Prefabulator™ - Legislate on the fly
MonkeyLabs Magnetised, Antipoopoolarised Dedefecation Gel™
MonkeyLabs EarPlusOne™ Plugs - Multipurpose orifice stoppers
MonkeyLabs Kaleidospecs™ - See patterns when they're not even there
MonkeyLabs Able 'Cause Abacus™ - Also available in IvoryBead Edition™
MonkeyLabs Toilet Tissues™ - Almost-past-wipe-by date bargains available
MonkeyLabs 5-Way-Ganged Vacuoso System™ - Available with signed skid mark
MonkeyLabs Holographic PornGrinder™ - Turn the handle and experience a 3D stripper
MonkeyLabs HairSplitter Pro™ - Operates like a sausage machine. Hair in one end, split hairs out of the other
MonkeyLabs Debunkulating Reconfabulator™ - Reconstruct ancient texts without the need for hermeneutical skills
MonkeyLabs Controlled Phase Distortion Transmutational™ (CPDT™) Device, featuring the Return to Now™ button
MonkeyLabs DaysOfYore Universal Transformational ReconFangulator™ - Enjoy craftsmanship of old from cheap Chinese imports

MonkeyLabs EyeBolt PWS™:
Compact, personal weather system which acts as an aid to effective communification
Real-time weather <-> emotion synchronisation
Inversion option (sunny when sad / cloudy when happy) - baffle your friends and confuse your enemas whilst stabilising your moods
WYFLY HintAFace - The most surreptittydelicious bi-directional communification poopycool ever!

MonkeyLabs Compoonation Poomangelator™:
The Compoonation™ module collates all associated variables and computes metadata
The Poomangelator™ then sequences and renders all possibilities based on the metadata generated by the Compoonation™ module

MonkeyLabs Depooperising Cleandefecator System™:
Comprises the MonkeyLabs 5-Way-Ganged Vacuoso System™ - Available with signed skid mark, and the MonkeyLabs Magnetised Antipoopularised Dedefecation Gel™

MonkeyLabs™ Computer Hardware
MonkeyLabs 8Bit MonkeyMemory™ module
MonkeyLabs 8Bit Benchtop™ personal computer
MonkeyLabs RealWorld Rendering Module™ - Included with MonkeyOS v1.3
MonkeyLabs SuperMultimedia Flippers™ - Swim through the ether at near-light speeds
MonkeyLabs Lackintosh Super-Mandibular Array™ - Highfalutin' valves, one-way valves, poo-toob valves, tubular valves and so on

MonkeyLabs™ Computer Software
MonkeyHouse Software™
MonkeyOS™ v1.3 for 8bit hardware
MonkeyLabs Virtual 8bit BS Detector™ - run it as a HeyYou plug-in
MonkeyLabs RollingBitDepth™ OS for benchtops, treetops and mandibular systems
MonkeyLabs MonkeySandScript Hieroglyphics™ v1.1, available as a language system component update for MonkeyOS™
MonkeyLabs Grammar Detective™ - Now available with full MonkeyOS™ integration. Keep your peers on their toes... or hands.
MonkeyLabs Digital Preformer™ - Jungleville's only direct competitor, and long-awaited alternative to Mandarin Systems™ iLogic™

Software Download Instructions
MonkeyLabs Virtual 8Bit BS Detector™ software for Monkey OS v1.1 or later, as well as MonkeySandScript Hieroglyphics™ v1.1 and the latest version of MonkeyOS™ can be downloaded here:

http://www.monkeyOS.com

If you click the coder's head during any of the brief (a millisecond or two) intervals during which the sleepy Zs have disappeared, you're in. It's then a simple matter of filling out the full disclosure form in which your family and financial histories, DNA and psychological profiles, social networks, habits and dietary regimes will be assessed. An email confirming your acceptance will be forwarded within 18 months of the date of submission.

MonkeyLabs™ Miscellaneous
MonkeyLabs '53 Vintage Vindaloo Vent Vomit™
MonkeyLabs CellPooClear™ - Detoxidefemacation supplement
MonkeyLabs MoodBuster Transient After-Dinner Perception Cookie™
E-Steamed Grand Poobah of Pooparazzi™ Award - consistently goes to Billy
MonkeyLabs Poomunition™: Regular™, Large™, Poomungous™ and new MicroPoo™ developed by the MonkeyLabs Miniapoosation Poogramme™

MonkeyLabs™ Miscellaneous Phrases
Poopetual practice of poosistent poojectile poomunition pooliferation - This one's free, folks. Experience a taste of the world that is a legitimately-licensed MonkeyLabs™ Expressions Pak™

On-site Services
MonkeyLabs Industries KleanUp Krew™ - Any poo, any time, anywhere.

Ordering and Payment
Orders and Customer Service
MonkeyMail Service™
MonkeyLabs™ Industries Pty Ltd
Jungleville
Call toll-free, 29/7, on 1800-MONKEY

[bayswater]

MonkeyLabs Grammar Detective™ - Now available with full MonkeyOS™ integration. Keep your peers on their toes... or hands.

This has always been a free service. Are you going to start charging for it?

[monkey man]

Naa... not for my Unicorn buddies, Stoivo; think: every other forum. Lots to be made there, especially given the quality of grammar these days.

It goes without saying that I'll have to start charging you though.

[bayswater]

I've probably got an insurance plan that covers it.

[mikehalloran]

I want it all!!!

[kassonica]

I'm awaiting 9.1 update before I can upgrade....

PLease come soon...

Thanks you long loyal pal

Kass

[mikehalloran]

I'm awaiting 9.1 update before I can upgrade....

PLease come soon...

Thanks you long loyal pal

Kass

DP 8 never made it to 8.1. Just sayin...